Amazing how one little thing has such extensive consequences. I have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. It's a genetic autoimmune condition. In layman's terms, a type of hypothyroidism. It was diagnosed around age 24 when my cholesterol levels came back deathly high after donating blood to the Red Cross.
Symptoms include: fatigue, depression, anxiety, cold intolerance, sleepiness, poor concentration, achiness, constipation, muscle cramps, brittleness/thinning of hair and nails, dry skin, swelling of the legs, moderate weight gain, and high cholesterol.
Recently I changed jobs and have had a delay in insurance coverage. I had an appointment to get my thyroid (TSH) blood test before the insurance ran out...was busy, chose not too, slid into denial until the symptoms began kicking my butt. Haven't taken medicine for over a month now and am fully symptomatic. Yet, I knew better. That, my friends, is called a "relapse"*.
Ironic, the therapist having a relapse. But believe me, we do. We're just as squirrely as the general population (perhaps moreso). It's just that we tend to hide it better, to try to fix it ourselves, and smack ourselves harder because we "should" have known better. On the bright side: it builds empathy. I know the self talk/thinking that goes along with denial. I get the self annoyance. I also get trying to function day to day when you feel like crap...yet I have NO room to complain because a $15 non addictive prescription solves my ills. And believe me, I suggest anyone having the symptoms I listed to have the test. Amazing how many "mental health" symptoms are actually physical.
I am cold, exhausted, moody, frustrated with myself, and my entire body hurts. Oddly, blissfully, I have little spurts of energy off and on. Pretty sure my boyfriend thinks I'm the exorcist. My friends are wondering where I am. Mom says I look tired. Tonight I told my kids they're just going to have have mercy...and they were happy because that meant fast food. Now that I'm properly motivated, I've spent a week trying to get the doctor to write the damn lab order. A lesson in patience.
Overall though, it's a lesson in humility.
*relapse - to fall back into a former mood, state, or way of life, especially a bad or undesirable one, after coming out of it for a while
Monday, April 25, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
It's That Easy
About 20 years ago I asked my stepdad how I would know a relationship was meant to be. He replied, "Because it will be easy."
He's a very phlegmatic guy, so keeping that in mind let's define "easy". He explained that it would not just be the "easy" of a personality click, but that there would be a simplicity to it, a lack of strife. It would recharge you, encourage you, empower you. Inspire reciprocation. An "easy" relationship would be a soft place to fall, a breath of fresh air, what you would want to seek out at the end of a day. And fun.
I thought he was nuts. What a fairytale! Nothing was that simple! So, I held onto my belief that relationships were challenging. That belief led me right into that experience.
It wasn't until about 6 years ago that I realized the really great relationships and most meaningful choices in my life had a common purity much like my stepdad described: they were clear, felt "right", nourished my soul, inspired me to give back. Some outstanding examples: meeting/getting to know my stepdad and stepsiblings, my best friend in high school, the choice to perservere getting a Masters Degree, to have and love my kids, and meeting/getting to know my best friend in the universe Miss Daisy.
So what did that say about romantic relationships? That was still elusive to me until about 2 weeks ago as Neat Guy and I sat out on his deck one evening laughing and talking. We carry on like we've known eachother for years. It just flows, it's so comfortable, so fun, so healthy. Out of the blue I realized:
Daddy was right.
People try to bottle what he described. Psychology buffs try to explain it, replicate it.What it boils down to is that many truly solid relationships and choices are beneficent, harmonious, and reciprocal on what I can only think to term as the "soul" level. They recharge, encourage, and empower. Life will still swarm around you...yet with these people, in these decisions there is clarity and security...Your soul can rest. Which is the kind of "easy" he meant.
It's that easy.
He's a very phlegmatic guy, so keeping that in mind let's define "easy". He explained that it would not just be the "easy" of a personality click, but that there would be a simplicity to it, a lack of strife. It would recharge you, encourage you, empower you. Inspire reciprocation. An "easy" relationship would be a soft place to fall, a breath of fresh air, what you would want to seek out at the end of a day. And fun.
I thought he was nuts. What a fairytale! Nothing was that simple! So, I held onto my belief that relationships were challenging. That belief led me right into that experience.
It wasn't until about 6 years ago that I realized the really great relationships and most meaningful choices in my life had a common purity much like my stepdad described: they were clear, felt "right", nourished my soul, inspired me to give back. Some outstanding examples: meeting/getting to know my stepdad and stepsiblings, my best friend in high school, the choice to perservere getting a Masters Degree, to have and love my kids, and meeting/getting to know my best friend in the universe Miss Daisy.
So what did that say about romantic relationships? That was still elusive to me until about 2 weeks ago as Neat Guy and I sat out on his deck one evening laughing and talking. We carry on like we've known eachother for years. It just flows, it's so comfortable, so fun, so healthy. Out of the blue I realized:
Daddy was right.
People try to bottle what he described. Psychology buffs try to explain it, replicate it.What it boils down to is that many truly solid relationships and choices are beneficent, harmonious, and reciprocal on what I can only think to term as the "soul" level. They recharge, encourage, and empower. Life will still swarm around you...yet with these people, in these decisions there is clarity and security...Your soul can rest. Which is the kind of "easy" he meant.
It's that easy.
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