10 random things I like about Neat Guy:
1) We laugh. A lot. And both have a strong history of laughing in very serious moments, like meetings and funerals. I can't believe I did not get pulled over today for laughing so hard while driving.
2) He carries the "go boxes" out of restaurants. Not sure why I like this so much. I just do.
3) He's conscientious and responsible. I like his morals, and I especially like that he applies them to himself first--like oxygen on an airplane. Isn't that how it ought to be, really?
4) He's forthright. By which I mean he has limited ability to filter his comments. But I admire that in a person.
5) We're each smart, in ways that overlap just enough so we learn a lot from each other.
5) He's both cute and ornery. Seems to have started this way as a little brother and just stuck with it.
6) Despite #5, he's really grounded. Almost AR. Which is good b/c I can be both a space cadet and OCD. Which leads to...
7) He accepts me as is. Yay!
8) He builds interesting stuff like strobe light water fountains.
9) He makes great coffee.
10) His dog. She's a riot. And I think she's put a good word in for me.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Malfunction Junction
In the past week: garage door confirmed it is indeed possessed, water line to icemaker launched sneak attack into my bedroom, and cell phone jumped into the toilet. Now none of them work. NONE!!! The prima donna garage door demanded a new electronic board thingy. Free, luckily, but don't tell her that. Just gotta call her fairy godmother to install it. The water...well, that's in progress with big fans and carpet pulled up in 1/4 of my bedroom and a hole in the kitchen wall. The phone is in the equivalent of ICU--a container of rice. I think it was suicidal in the first place, launching into a body of water like that and unable to swim. I don't blame myself. Obviously it had issues.
And something is on fire in Wagoner County. Not sure what. Probably grass--and who knows, it could be the fun kind. (Feds burn that stuff, right?) Probably not a big deal. But the haze yesterday was unlike any I've seen since my last visit to L.A. and any kind of smoke sends my sinuses into lockdown. Ya. As a matter of fact I WOULD like some cheese with my whine.
The silver lining is...and I promised I would fess up...I met a very neat guy.
And something is on fire in Wagoner County. Not sure what. Probably grass--and who knows, it could be the fun kind. (Feds burn that stuff, right?) Probably not a big deal. But the haze yesterday was unlike any I've seen since my last visit to L.A. and any kind of smoke sends my sinuses into lockdown. Ya. As a matter of fact I WOULD like some cheese with my whine.
The silver lining is...and I promised I would fess up...I met a very neat guy.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
I Hate Dating
Never liked dating. Never. Not even when I was young and kinda hot. I believe it was my best guy friend who coined the term "wolves". That made me...prey. And that's how it felt. Having a boyfriend, on the other hand, was kinda fun.
16 years and one scrapped marriage later I am on the dating scene again. I won't address the "hot" issue; you've seen the curlers. Dating as a divorcee is just as stupid and awkward as dating in highschool. Maybe worse. Because now the internet is involved. You've been working the married/monogmous circuit for a decade...you don't know where single people hide. Log on to Match.com to find the answer: they are hiding in a dark room in their house tapping away on their lap top. Like you. Thousands of them. Millions, maybe. They all have sparkling personalities and the bestest of intentions, so their profiles say. It's like reading a resume wearing beer goggles. Everybody looks like a "10".
AND there is a post-divorce pattern. It goes something like this:
1) Create profile, don't post any personal info or pictures. Log on as the opposite sex to eyeball your local competition.
2) Post a vague picture. I posted one of my eyeball, which solicited the comment, "Hey. Nice eyeball. What does the rest of you look like?"
3) Post an essay about how glorious you are, along with a Glamour Shot. Feel very flattered by the cyber attention as your profile is viewed by 150 people in one day.
4) Freak out and hide your profile.
5) Realize no potential date would be able to find you in public based on that photo (some folks skip this step).
6) Take 1 million photos, post 3.
7) Get the bright idea to do a general scan of your local cyberpopulations. Find 5 people you know in real life and block them. No real people allowed!
8) Get an email from a funny, cool, and intelligent guy. Find out he was in your highschool Trig class. Go out, have a great time. It's just like a date with...your brother. Keep in touch.
9) Congratulate yourself for going on a date. Hide profile.
10) Your favorite bank lady runs off to Kansas to marry a guy she met on Match.
11) Get bored, unhide profile, rewrite profile. Enjoy the attention as it validates yourplagarizing and photo shop skills ability to flirt and attract admirers.
12) Recieve a message from your lawn guy warning you to proceed with caution 'cause there are a lot of guys online only after "one thing" (and btw, he met the most wonderful gal on here!),
13) Email back and forth with a few guys, no dates. Lots of winks from the AARP crowd. Perverts.
14) Meet--in no particular order--The Player, The Guilty Neurotic, The Midlife Crisis Neurotic, The Jet Setter, The Con, and Edward Scissor Hands. Start to take it personally.
15) Let best friend look at profile, who immediately finds the most compatible individual in the state for you and promptly blogs the experience.
16) THE Match--the highly compatible one who actually comes across like a real life person--just isn't ready. Which is fine. That's how I felt last year. Hence all the profile hiding.
Bitter? No. Exasperated? Yes. "But I'm busy! I don't have time to get out there." Nah. What a cop out. I'm not too busy to tweak the wording on the profile 500 times or check the website. "But I have kids...it's hard to meet people when you have kids!" Seriously? Kids are like puppies. They're cute and provide fodder for conversations. There's lots of hunky single dads out there at those kid functions. Why don't we have a local chapter of "Parents Without Partners"? Oh, because in 2011 that's fodder for an SNL skit. In the end, my lesson is exactly what I tell my 11 year old about the DSi: "Put the electronics down and go play." I'll keep y'all posted. Note the irony.
16 years and one scrapped marriage later I am on the dating scene again. I won't address the "hot" issue; you've seen the curlers. Dating as a divorcee is just as stupid and awkward as dating in highschool. Maybe worse. Because now the internet is involved. You've been working the married/monogmous circuit for a decade...you don't know where single people hide. Log on to Match.com to find the answer: they are hiding in a dark room in their house tapping away on their lap top. Like you. Thousands of them. Millions, maybe. They all have sparkling personalities and the bestest of intentions, so their profiles say. It's like reading a resume wearing beer goggles. Everybody looks like a "10".
AND there is a post-divorce pattern. It goes something like this:
1) Create profile, don't post any personal info or pictures. Log on as the opposite sex to eyeball your local competition.
2) Post a vague picture. I posted one of my eyeball, which solicited the comment, "Hey. Nice eyeball. What does the rest of you look like?"
3) Post an essay about how glorious you are, along with a Glamour Shot. Feel very flattered by the cyber attention as your profile is viewed by 150 people in one day.
4) Freak out and hide your profile.
5) Realize no potential date would be able to find you in public based on that photo (some folks skip this step).
6) Take 1 million photos, post 3.
7) Get the bright idea to do a general scan of your local cyberpopulations. Find 5 people you know in real life and block them. No real people allowed!
8) Get an email from a funny, cool, and intelligent guy. Find out he was in your highschool Trig class. Go out, have a great time. It's just like a date with...your brother. Keep in touch.
9) Congratulate yourself for going on a date. Hide profile.
10) Your favorite bank lady runs off to Kansas to marry a guy she met on Match.
11) Get bored, unhide profile, rewrite profile. Enjoy the attention as it validates your
12) Recieve a message from your lawn guy warning you to proceed with caution 'cause there are a lot of guys online only after "one thing" (and btw, he met the most wonderful gal on here!),
13) Email back and forth with a few guys, no dates. Lots of winks from the AARP crowd. Perverts.
14) Meet--in no particular order--The Player, The Guilty Neurotic, The Midlife Crisis Neurotic, The Jet Setter, The Con, and Edward Scissor Hands. Start to take it personally.
15) Let best friend look at profile, who immediately finds the most compatible individual in the state for you and promptly blogs the experience.
16) THE Match--the highly compatible one who actually comes across like a real life person--just isn't ready. Which is fine. That's how I felt last year. Hence all the profile hiding.
Bitter? No. Exasperated? Yes. "But I'm busy! I don't have time to get out there." Nah. What a cop out. I'm not too busy to tweak the wording on the profile 500 times or check the website. "But I have kids...it's hard to meet people when you have kids!" Seriously? Kids are like puppies. They're cute and provide fodder for conversations. There's lots of hunky single dads out there at those kid functions. Why don't we have a local chapter of "Parents Without Partners"? Oh, because in 2011 that's fodder for an SNL skit. In the end, my lesson is exactly what I tell my 11 year old about the DSi: "Put the electronics down and go play." I'll keep y'all posted. Note the irony.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Salt & Light
Yesterday the preacher talked about salt and light. The man knows his science and his history. And his bible, of course. He was referring to The Sermon on the Mount, which states, "You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men." (Matthew 5:13) To really "get" this it helps to understand that salt was a highly prized commodity in biblical times...valuable like gold, only perhaps more useful. People used it as currency. It cured meat, seasoned food, made fires hotter (chemistry!)...According to the Salt Institute, it has more than 14,000 known uses.
Jesus is telling us, "You are the most valuable and useful on this earth." As Pastor Scott put it, He is calling us to be salty, and to maintain our saltiness lest we be trampled by our own humanity. What a switch of focus for most Christians. We focus on giving, helping others. Jesus is reminding us that as His vessels, we can't give away what we don't have.
He continues, “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." (Matthew 14-16). So we're called to be useful, and to maintain that usefulness, also to be openly good on purpose and with purpose. It reminds me of a parenting concept called "living out loud", in which we go about our daily tasks with narration so our children can hear the thought processes that go into our choices. It's not ostentatious or glamerous. But boy will it keep you accountable.
My oldest (affectionately called Thing 1) volunteers helping at Children's Church. Yesterday she said, "Mom, what did you learn in big people church today?" I summarized. She responded, "We learned that sometimes you are supposed to give even when it's hard. But then you feel so good about it." She gave away her gold dollar coin to help the poor. "At first I didn't want to, but I did anyway. I'm proud of myself," said my daughter. She didn't even mention that as the "helper" she set an example for all the little ones. She gets it.
Jesus is telling us, "You are the most valuable and useful on this earth." As Pastor Scott put it, He is calling us to be salty, and to maintain our saltiness lest we be trampled by our own humanity. What a switch of focus for most Christians. We focus on giving, helping others. Jesus is reminding us that as His vessels, we can't give away what we don't have.
He continues, “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." (Matthew 14-16). So we're called to be useful, and to maintain that usefulness, also to be openly good on purpose and with purpose. It reminds me of a parenting concept called "living out loud", in which we go about our daily tasks with narration so our children can hear the thought processes that go into our choices. It's not ostentatious or glamerous. But boy will it keep you accountable.
My oldest (affectionately called Thing 1) volunteers helping at Children's Church. Yesterday she said, "Mom, what did you learn in big people church today?" I summarized. She responded, "We learned that sometimes you are supposed to give even when it's hard. But then you feel so good about it." She gave away her gold dollar coin to help the poor. "At first I didn't want to, but I did anyway. I'm proud of myself," said my daughter. She didn't even mention that as the "helper" she set an example for all the little ones. She gets it.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Theme of the day: JIVE
Yizzall bizzetter mizzove! The snow days are getting to me. Right now 5 kids (for real, just counted) are in my kitchen. I am hiding. FIVE kids, at least 4 of which have high IQs. Which means although they cannot individually best me ('cause I ain't no dummy), they can gang up on me. They just made lunch. With menus. And coffee. Seriously. No way I could make that up.
SO, I turn to Jive. Yes, Jive. Yes, I'm a white girl--or at least so far no blood relative has fessed up otherwise--but I was raised in the South and...yeah. Oran Juice Jones, "Walking in the Rain", now posted on my Facebook via YouTube. My step sister, "Ro" (we all get nicknames in blogland) is the ONLY other person in my universe who knows that song. And has it on her phone! Along with Double Dutch Bus by Frankie Smith...which also got linked on my FB. Izzokizzay! ADD then led my mind to the Jive scene from Airplane. What a hoot! (Translation: Wizzat a hizzoot!). Barbara Billingsly, may her "soul" RIP, nailed it.
I went into the kitchen and talked some Jive, sang a little, danced a little. My oldest asked to dance the polka, 'cause she is cool like that. I stole a sandwich from the sandwich tray. The Fab 5 trotted out the door with Walmart bags and a hammer. Yes, I gave the safety speech: "Don't put the bags on your heads 'cause you could DIE." and "Nobody plays with the hammer but Nature Boy." (Well it IS his hammer. File any complaints at YeahIsaiditblog.blogspot.com.
Just our version of a normal afternoon here in Dysfunction Junction.
SO, I turn to Jive. Yes, Jive. Yes, I'm a white girl--or at least so far no blood relative has fessed up otherwise--but I was raised in the South and...yeah. Oran Juice Jones, "Walking in the Rain", now posted on my Facebook via YouTube. My step sister, "Ro" (we all get nicknames in blogland) is the ONLY other person in my universe who knows that song. And has it on her phone! Along with Double Dutch Bus by Frankie Smith...which also got linked on my FB. Izzokizzay! ADD then led my mind to the Jive scene from Airplane. What a hoot! (Translation: Wizzat a hizzoot!). Barbara Billingsly, may her "soul" RIP, nailed it.
I went into the kitchen and talked some Jive, sang a little, danced a little. My oldest asked to dance the polka, 'cause she is cool like that. I stole a sandwich from the sandwich tray. The Fab 5 trotted out the door with Walmart bags and a hammer. Yes, I gave the safety speech: "Don't put the bags on your heads 'cause you could DIE." and "Nobody plays with the hammer but Nature Boy." (Well it IS his hammer. File any complaints at YeahIsaiditblog.blogspot.com.
Just our version of a normal afternoon here in Dysfunction Junction.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Welcome to Dysfunction Junction!
Sometimes it's laughter that keeps us going. Crying is cathartic and cleansing; a good chuckle brings energy. And then there's this entire spectrum of emotions between. I'm Marti, aka Mama Shrink, a mom of 3 boisterous girls, psychotherapist and artist who also flies the flag of ADD. Newly divorced, reconfiguring life, learning how to be myself again...the list goes on. Life goes on. Really. Whatever you've been through, know you have the choice of how to react. I choose this.
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