I No Poo, U Can 2

Here ye, here ye: I have not shampooed since October 2012. I'm excited to tell you this in part because I actually followed through on a goal. As anyone with ADHD can tell you, that's something to celebrate.

I'd like to say it was a pious sense of environmental consciousness that prompted this journey, but it's really much more basic than that. My head was itchy. Chemicals (i.e., shampoo, conditioner, styling products, and color) aggravated my scalp to the point of insane itching and embarrassing flaking. Dermatitis, basically. The more stressed I was, the worse it would be. One day while I whined and scratched, Miss Daisy mentioned some folks forgo shampoo altogether. A few Google searches later and I had a plan. I was going "no poo".

Barring disastrous results my plan was to give it 6 months. If I liked it in 6 months, I would give it a year. If I liked it in a year I would tell the world. So here we are.

Features & Benefits: My scalp feels great. My hair feels great. Both look great, IMHO. My hair dries faster, is slower to develop split ends, and isn't bleaching out at the ends as rapidly. It feels and looks thicker and has more "body", resulting in easier styling. Also, I only wash my hair once a week now.
Knowledge: Of how our bodies work, and how completely unnecessary most body products are.
Added Bonus: I have saved a lot of money.
Global Bonus: Less water pollution, and more water conservation
Unexpected Result: my face doesn't sunburn as easily (more on that later).

If you want to know how, keep reading.

Note: I began with just the Apple Cider Vinegar rinse with a few drops of Tea Tree Oil, to help calm my scalp down. From what I recall, my hair felt a tad oilier than I like, but didn't appear so. Still, several weeks in I added a baking soda rinse and occasional dab of almond oil. That has been my perfect combo for about a year now.

Supplies:
Water, Baking Soda, Apple Cider Vinegar, Tea Tree Oil (optional). Squeeze bottle (like you put mustard and ketchup in). For dry/frizzy hair, Almond Oil (and you can add a drop of essential oil for fragrance)

Mixing:
Step 1: Mix about 2 Tbs of baking soda with at least one cup water in squeeze bottle. Shake to mix. Using tip of bottle, squirt the solution onto your scalp. Next, give yourself a little scalp massage. Rinse well.
Step 2: Mix about 2 Tbs of the vinegar to at least 1 cup of water, put in a few drops of tea tree oil (if desired) and shake to mix. Then squirt it onto your scalp and massage through your hair. Let it sit for a few minutes before rinsing well.
Step 3: Towel dry, comb through. If your hair is on the dry/frizzy side, put a small amount of almond oil in your palm and apply it to lower 3/4 of your hair (I have longish hair and use about 1/2 tsp). As it dries, any residual vinegar smell will dissipate.

Styling:
I don't. Well, ok...when it looked frizzy I used a flat iron to tame a few pieces. Otherwise, I don't blow dry and I let the curls rule. Early on I used some styling wax but it wasn't really needed once my hair balanced out. A boar bristle brush is a great investment for shine and manageability. Use it daily and clean it once a week with a little baking soda and water.

Expect:
A change in texture. This was pretty interesting. Hair actually gets a little waterproof as the natural sebum of the scalp is allowed to re-coat and protect it. That's what makes it feel/look thicker and dry faster too. Also expect a lack of fragrance unless you add the essential oil.

About that Unexpected Result: Apparently human sebum has an SPF of 4-6. Who knew?

I'll post a few pictures soon. Meanwhile, if anyone else wants to add tips or ask questions, I'd love to hear from you!

The Therapist Is IN: Why do I feel like crap?

It's a bit odd that we often view mental health as different and unrelated to physical health, as though our psyche was a balloon floating above yet barely tethered to our bodies. I've learned to take a wholistic approach with clients in which we ponder the psychological, lifestyle, and medical contributors to their problem. If your psychological health is average, but your thyroid is on the fritz, or your blood sugar is whacky, your hormones are off, you've had head trauma, or you have undiagnosed allergies, or you are vitamin deficient (the list goes on)...you probably feel like crap physically and mentally. Finding out why is paramount to effective treatment. If something stands out as a medical contributor to the client's mental health, I refer them to their physician, and I offer to consult with that physician if needed.

Example 1: A woman in an eating disorder program to treat obesity and depression that seemed to be getting worse despite her best efforts. She also happened to have an "apple" shape, chin whiskers, and thinning hair. I recommended she have blood work done including thyroid panel and a hormone panel run to rule out Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. Why would this be a therapist's business? Because I was treating her for psychological issues related to obesity and depression, both of which can be caused or made much worse by those physical ailments. Imagine the therapeutic benefit of addressing the medical issues, of the client realizing she wasn't just inept but actually had a medical condition.

Example 2: A child referred to therapy for anxiety, lethargy, and personality change. A month or so into therapy--with some progress made-- the child reveals they had a severe concussion about a month before starting therapy services. Concussions can have a range of symptoms that last months to years, including anxiety, lethargy, and personality change.

Moral of the Story: Therapy isn't going to fix your thyroid disorder. Neither will Prozac. However, lack of proper medical treatment can certainly contribute to your mental health getting worse.

Salud.

A Year Today

A year ago today I went out with the most wonderful guy...and decided to keep him. My journal entry for that day reads, "Wow! Maybe I've actually met a genuine, mentally sound, intelligent, nice guy! And I find him attractive. Bonus!"
And later, upon commute inspired reflection: "He seems to be both secure/accepting of himself and of others. He has boundaries and limitations, hopes, values, dreams with enough flexibility to allow for another person."
That was just after talking, texting, and lunch. And y'know what? I was right.

Love

You get to almost 40, and you think you know stuff. If you're a shrink raised by shrinks, you think you know the capacity of human emotion. Yet, there's always room for humility and growth. I find myself there with Neat Guy. I really, truly, had no idea love was like this. It's similar to the love I have for my children in its naturalness and depth. Yet also a passionate and abiding love like that modeled by my mom and stepdad. To experience it myself...I search for words. "Wonderful" barely covers it. It's this great mix of wonderous, comfortable, warm, heady, exciting, tender, safe, natural, inspiring, and joyous. I feel lucky, blessed, fortunate. I feel loved.

Neat Guy and I are going on 10 months together. I'm thrilled to say that he's all the things I've written previously, and a few extra. Exhilerating top notes of infatuation have lifted to reveal the comforting heartbeat of a relationship that both nurtures and stimulates. That's a fancy way of saying the new has worn off and what's underneath is even better. This is different than what I've known before.

I think this might even be normal.

Our daughters were talking marriage 8 months ago. We call that "Disney Princess Speed". In fact, I think it was on the second meeting that my oldest told Neat Guy, "We're gonna need a bigger house." She wasn't joking. There are 5 kids between us.

Asking if there is a future for us is like asking if we plan to keep breathing.  The big picture requires a good balance of pragmatism and romance. I think of how good this journey with him has been. And that it has been healthy because we've been honest, laughed, and taken our time. The result is a relationship that is "comfy and joyful" [his words :-) ] and better than I ever imagined.

10 Great Things About My Relationship with Neat Guy:
1) He is always himself.
2) I can see how much he loves me in his eyes.
3) We laugh together.
4) His family is a wonderful bunch of people. You can see how he got that way.
5) My family adores him. My mom brags about him to other people.
6) Our kids get along.
7) Our kids want us together.
8) We have common goals.
9) We have mutual respect and appreciation.
10) I trust him.

Birthday

Today I am 39. Its already the best bithday in a decade. Today I have peace, friendship, and love. Nothing tops that. Last weekend my parents worked with my daughters to throw a family party. All day long they worked on steak, presents, and KitKat(my 11 y/o)baked our favorite chocolate cake from scratch. KitKat and my parents got me tickets to see Cake Boss on Tuesday, which also gave KK and I much needed bonding time. Throughout the week I received handmade cards full of touching poetry from my sensitive 9 year old and carefully formed letters spelling "I love mom" from my adorable 6 year old. I love my family.
Wednesday Neat Guy asked what I wanted to do on my birthday. Thursday and Friday he counted down via text. I'm not used to having my significant other do that...which made it all the sweeter. Last night I enjoyed laughing through dinner with his daughter (Miss M)and son (H) then snuggling with Miss M in our new matching fleece jackets. And best of all, they gave me a framed photo of the 3 of them smiling and talking. I love my man, and his kids.
Later I logged onto FaceBook to find a birthday tribute from my best friend Miss Daisy (yeahisaidit@blogspot.com). With humor and insight she beautifully described our 11 year friendship. I love my bff.
It's my birthday and I am blessed.

Single Parenting: It Takes a Village (and caffeine)

There is not enough of me to go around.  Any past concept I had of "spread thin" is now laughable. I am a divorced working mom who has sole custody of 3 "boisterous" girls, owns her own home, has animals, and a litigious and antagonistic ex husband. The saving grace is that I have a lot of support in the form of wonderful parents, morale boosting extended family, a awesome best friend who lives 7 houses down, and a really Neat Guy for a boyfriend. I also happen to be damn resilient. Otherwise, I'd be inpatient somewhere.

Seriously.

If you know a single parent who does 90% of the parenting alone, hug them for me. Because it's HARD. Really hard. Rough and exhausting like I had no concept of before. I have an army of support behind me, but no one can replace me on the front lines. That's kind of panic inducing all by itself. Throw in the general kid stuff like doctor and dental appointments and illnesses. Add to that all of the girls go to therapy--we average 2 therapy appointments a week. Meals. Homework. Class projects. School clothes. Overnights. Laundry. Puberty. And being as involved as possible at their schools, PTA, parent night, holiday parties. Our theme song is the William Tell Overture. The middle schooler has recently been asked to join 2 groups and honor choir, which means more schedule juggling and driving but dang, she needs that right now. And they ought to be in sports, or so I'm told frequently by the professionals I've hired to keep us all from falling apart.

And that's just the kids. There's the house: It's a great little house, brand new, and I enjoy it. It's mine. ALL mine. The mortgage, the bills, the things that grow, the things that break, the things that need maintenance, the things that wear out, the things that need cleaning. I edge the lawn with scissors. It's somewhat meditative. Neat Guy has been known to come over and use the correct machine to do the job. Nature Guy (Miss Daisy's husband) looked at me the other day as I was absentmindedly snipping away and said, "Seriously? I can get my weed eater." I mow a great lawn, but apparently weed eating requires depth perception I do not possess. Apartment? No thanks. My kids are, um, boisterous.  And I'm just too much of a worrywart to let them roam in an apartment complex. Here I can see the neighborhood park from my back porch.

Those awesome people in my life need my attention also. And I need theirs. Which is why Miss Daisy drinks so much coffee at my house. And why I spend long hours cocooned from the world with Neat Guy on weekends my girls are gone, . And why my mom and I talk pretty much every day, and see each other several times a week. I help them wherever I can, you know, to reciprocate. It's a pride thing. I can tell you now, in my mind I owe my parents forever.

These are listed in order of importance...next would be that thing called "work". It's a flexible job. Fee for service. There are days I'm panicking because I'm not putting in the hours I had in mind. Never mind the money even. The panic is because a client is freaking out and needs more of my time. Or I have a goal to see someone twice a week and I've only seen them once for 2 weeks in a row. Or I forgot the next day billing is due and my printer decides to go offline and run out of ink. (WHY is it that only happens on a deadline?)

So then there's me, right? Gotta take care of number....4? Well, to keep the things above running is also to care for myself to some extent. If I could get more of anything it would be: rest and massages. That's a crap shoot though, with kids that crawl into bed at night and a puppy alarm clock, and no live-in masseuse. I manage pretty well given the task. Nowhere near perfect, but what the heck would that even look like? Imperfectly it is: prayer, great relationships, dishes in the sink, hugging my kids, laughing, appreciating the eye candy of nature, reminding myself to breathe, strange lawn habits, posted schedules, creating, time managment via iPhone reminders, shared meals, long walks, coffee, and gratitude.

Balto P. Coltrane

Gentle readers, let me introduce you to our new canine addition, Balto. Also known as "Carl" (Neat Guy), "Balto P. Coltrane" (Me), and "Balto Pickle Train" (the 6 year old).  Other name suggestions were "Sparkles" and "S'More". The rescue vet named him after her favorite movie. Men under 45 snicker and ask if I'm going to change his name. I would, if we could agree on anything.
Like his namesake, Balto appears to be part Husky. And perhaps Boxer, with a smidge of Pit Bull Terrier. He likes to chew things. Most recently he ate 2" of fringe tethered by 4 feet of string to a throw pillow. All the fighting and gagging in the world wasn't going to break that string or help him swallow that pillow. Finally Miss Daisy hand over hand pulled the lump of fringe out of the dog. It looked like she fished up a dead wet mouse. My best friend ROCKS.