Relapse...not just for clients

Amazing how one little thing has such extensive consequences. I have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. It's a genetic autoimmune condition. In layman's terms, a type of hypothyroidism. It was diagnosed around age 24 when my cholesterol levels came back deathly high after donating blood to the Red Cross.

Symptoms include: fatigue, depression, anxiety, cold intolerance, sleepiness, poor concentration, achiness, constipation, muscle cramps, brittleness/thinning of hair and nails, dry skin, swelling of the legs, moderate weight gain, and high cholesterol.

Recently I changed jobs and have had a delay in insurance coverage. I had an appointment to get my thyroid (TSH) blood test before the insurance ran out...was busy, chose not too, slid into denial until the symptoms began kicking my butt. Haven't taken medicine for over a month now and am fully symptomatic. Yet, I knew better. That, my friends, is called a "relapse"*.

Ironic, the therapist having a relapse. But believe me, we do. We're just as squirrely as the general population (perhaps moreso). It's just that we tend to hide it better, to try to fix it ourselves, and smack ourselves harder because we "should" have known better. On the bright side: it builds empathy. I know the self talk/thinking that goes along with denial. I get the self annoyance. I also get trying to function day to day when you feel like crap...yet I have NO room to complain because a $15 non addictive prescription solves my ills.  And believe me, I suggest anyone having the symptoms I listed to have the test. Amazing how many "mental health" symptoms are actually physical.

I am cold, exhausted, moody, frustrated with myself, and my entire body hurts. Oddly, blissfully, I have little spurts of energy off and on. Pretty sure my boyfriend thinks I'm the exorcist. My friends are wondering where I am. Mom says I look tired. Tonight I told my kids they're just going to have have mercy...and they were happy because that meant fast food. Now that I'm  properly motivated, I've spent a week trying to get the doctor to write the damn lab order. A lesson in patience.

Overall though, it's a lesson in humility.

*relapse - to fall back into a former mood, state, or way of life, especially a bad or undesirable one, after coming out of it for a while